May 2025 - Daily Devotions

The Great Fifty Days of Easter Continue

May 1 – John 20:19a – When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors were locked where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews.

Today we find the disciples huddled together behind locked doors. It is now evening on that first Easter Day. The word for ‘evening’ used here refers to the time just before sunset when vision begins to blur a little. This detail lets us know the emotional state of those gathered. They cannot see clearly. The word ‘disciples’ refers to all those who have claimed Jesus as their rabbi and teacher, not just to the remaining eleven after Judas’ betrayal. They are terrified. Their spiritual sight is blurry. They don’t know what has happened. Has someone stolen Jesus’ body? Are the authorities trying to set them all up for arrest and execution? Is it possible that death is not the end of the story? Is it possible that Mary has actually spoken to the risen Jesus, or has her grief deluded her? All of these thoughts have left them in hiding, thinking somehow that a locked door can keep them safe. It is our fears that keep us in hiding too sometimes, isn’t it? Like the disciples, fear of what we do not understand can shut us down. Like the disciples, fear of being blamed for things that are not our fault can keep us with heads down, unable to see anything more than our own plodding steps. And there are lots of other fears in our day that can keep us, metaphorically, wanting to hide under the bed for fear of the unknown. Will I lose my job to random cuts? Could ICE officers break down my door or my neighbors door and disappear us with neither cause nor due process? Could I catch a new illness? Could I outlive my resources? We all know how to feel fear and how to try to protect ourselves from danger. We need those instincts. Sometimes they can keep us alive. The problem comes for us, as with the disciples, in that fear nearly always blinds us to reality, especially the reality of God’s saving presence and always-good-news-for-all news. Today take a moment to think about your fears. Don’t go into a spiral with it, but give it some thought. Whether those fears are realistic or a bit fanciful, how do you think your fear blurs your vision of others, of the world, of God’s grace? Offer those fears to God, asking for new and timely insight.

Prayer: Dear God, sometimes our fears close us down completely. Help us to realize that even when that happens you will not be deterred. Open the eyes of our hearts! In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 2 – John 20:19b – Jesus came and stood among them

Yesterday we saw the disciples huddled in fear behind closed doors. Today we see that, while their fear had closed them off and blurred their vision, nothing can keep Jesus out. What an astounding truth that is! No fear, no locked door, no confusion, can keep Jesus from finding you and coming to you. Nothing. When I was a little girl I had a Jack Russel terrier who like to play hide and seek with me. I would throw a tennis ball and hide. Then she would get the ball and find me. When she grew tired, which took a while, she would go and hide behind the living room drapes, panting loudly with her wagging tail sticking out. She couldn’t hide from me any more than I could effectively hide from her. Sometimes we act just like that with our relationship with Jesus. If we are tired or scared we ‘hide behind the drapes’ as if that could ever work. I had a friend once who was on a wandering path. I invited him to come to our church. He looked shocked and said, “I couldn’t do that! The stained-glass windows would pop out!” He seemed to think that if he just stayed out of church, Jesus would not notice him or see the things he felt he needed to hide. Today’s verse tells us that there is no curtain to hide behind, no door sturdy enough, to keep Jesus from coming to you, whether you believe it, understand it, or have any idea what to do about it. What are your hiding places? Are there things that you think that Jesus should not know about you, couldn’t possibly know about you and still love you? Take a moment today to visualize yourself hiding, and then see Jesus walk right up to you. How do you feel? What do you say? Can you begin to feel a new glimmer of hope arise in the midst of fear?

Prayer: Dear God, again and again you walk through the closed doors of our hearts, bringing your amazing love right into the midst of our fears or insecurities. We are so grateful for your presence in times of turmoil and change. Help us to remember that nothing is impossible with you. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 3 – John 20:19b-c – Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”

Yesterday we saw that no closed doors, closed minds or fears can keep Jesus out. Today we see what he brings with him when he enters the chambers of our hearts: Peace. On one level when Jesus walks through the locked doors that first Easter evening he is giving them a normal greeting. ‘Peace be with you’ was often used when greeting known persons. It was a bit like saying, “Hi, I’ve got news.” The phrase implies that something can change as a result of the encounter. The word ‘peace’ in the New Testament is used a bit like ‘shalom’ in the Hebrew scriptures. Shalom refers to the condition of wholeness in which nothing is broken, and nothing is missing. Peace carries that meaning and adds a deepened sense of harmony. It includes harmonious relationships between people and God, between peoples and nations, and with all of the various aspects of a person’s mind, heart, body and spirit. Today, take a moment to imagine Jesus walking up to you and wishing you wholeness, and harmony both within you and around you in the larger world. Where do you most long to experience the sense that nothing is broken or missing in your life? In your family? In our world? What are the broken pieces that only God can mend? Take each situation to God in a prayer of openness. See if you can feel Jesus effortlessly move through your fears, locked doors or stuck places, and greet you with the declaration of peace. Breathe deeply of the Spirit and go through your day centered in Christ’s unshakable peace and world altering hope.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes the gift of your peace seems hard for us to feel and even harder for us to extend to others. Help us today to live deeply from the well of peace that you place within us so that, living in hope in every circumstance, we may embody your peace in our lives. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 4 – John 20:20a – After he said this he showed them his hands and his side.

What must those disciples have looked like in their traumatized state that first Easter evening, locked in, and by, their fear, as Jesus walks through a locked door and greets them by essentially saying, “Hi, wholeness and harmony in every part of you is what I bring.” Well, they must have looked about how we would expect to look in the same situation: bumfuzzled. Perhaps that is why he immediately showed them his hands and side. We know that the risen Christ did not come out of the tomb looking just like he went in. Mary thought he was the gardener. But some things do not change, even after passing through the portal of death. We each have aspects of our lives that are identifiers, things that are so essentially us that those who knew us would immediately recognize them. It can be a feature, or a figure of speech, or a value or even a shared memory. For Jesus and his friends, the identifiers were his wounds. It is touching to me that in this moment, he doesn’t just tell them who he is, or call their names like he did Mary. No, he shows them his wounded hands and side. He shows them his love for them, how big it is, how unconquerable it is, what it was willing to absorb for them. I don’t mean to suggest that it is the wounds itself that turn on the lights, although there was no doubt some of that was in play. It was the love that allowed the sacrifice, and was not diminished by it, that was fully on display. It could only be Jesus with a death-defying love like that. What do you think are the most identifiable qualities in your life? Maybe they include your wounds, too, because it is often in the bruising times that we find out who we really are and how durable our hope truly is. How do you think others see you? Take a moment today to imagine the scene in today’s verse. Imagine that you are the one introducing yourself to Jesus. What do you want to show him so that he will know for sure that it is you?

Prayer: Dear God, sometimes it is hard for us to recognize you when you are right by our sides. Help us today to see you in all the ways you present yourself to us so that our hope may abound. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 5 – John 20:20b – Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

We got our dog Bonnie during the difficult days of pandemic. We got her from the Humane Society where she had been picked up as a stray. She had recently had puppies but none of the puppies were recovered. When we first brought her home, she was frightened and strangely quiet for several days. You could almost see her trying to decide if she could trust us. Then one day it was like a light went on in her and she decided that we were her pack, and she could be her real self with us. Because the three of us were alone so much in those first years, she bonded with us tightly, and we with her. For the most part, we take her with us wherever we go. Of course, that is sometimes neither practical nor possible. Last week, for example, Robbie, friends and I took a lovely three-hour sunset cruise and left Bonnie at home. When we returned home, she was at the door to greet us, tail wagging so wildly she almost hit herself in the face with it. We were gone and then we had returned. Her whole world relit. The word in today’s verse that we translate as ‘rejoiced’ comes from a root that is used to describe the joyful ecstatic greeting of a dog when a beloved master returns home. That is how the disciples responded when they realized that Jesus had come back to them. When you notice Jesus’ presence with you, how do you ordinarily respond? Do you often notice? Do you take Christ’s presence for granted? Do you struggle to experience it at all? Today spend a moment imagining the joy our dog Bonnie feels when we get home as a mirror of the joy you are invited to feel when you think about or experience Jesus’ presence with you. What could help you light up in rejoicing today?

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you that you never leave us alone and without resources. Help us today to open our eyes and hearts to your presence with us and rejoice. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 6 – John 20:21 – Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”

At the disciples’ wiggled tailed rejoicing, Jesus repeats his longing that his friends experience the peace and wholeness for which they were created. In this simple repeated greeting, he reminds them that they are whole, nothing broken nothing missing. Redemption is complete and our eternal life has already begun, just AS his has. That is worth pondering for a moment. We are already living in life eternal. He doesn’t stop there, however. Wholeness, salvation, is not merely for its own wondrous sake. Our redemption always has a purpose for the here and now, and not just the never-ending hereafter. Here Jesus makes that purpose explicit. We are to go with the message he has given, we are to continue to declare the good news with our lives. We are to be the rest of the story. The word ‘as’ in this verse means both ‘in exactly the same way’ and ‘while.’ Try reading the verse again using each of those meanings. It opens it up, doesn’t it? Jesus is telling them, and us, that we are to go into the world exactly as he did in every way. We are to embody love as he did. We are to confront injustice and hypocrisy as he did. We are to include all as equals just as he did. We are to be those who offer healing and forgiveness as he did. This little verse tells us more even than that. It tells us that we too go to the cross and to the empty tomb. We die and rise, not just at the end of this life, but daily as we go out as those who have already died and now live. Love is always costly. Being love in a world that does not value that in a meaningful way will often result in many little deaths along the way. Even so, we rise. Today think for a moment about what it means for you to go into your life just as the Father sent Jesus. Where do you ‘go’? What do you do? What is the ground of your hope?

Prayer: Dear God, it is humbling indeed to think that we continue the story of Jesus in our own life. It is humbling to think that you trust us with the rest of the story. Help us today to conform our lives to your values as best we can. Remind us that what we do for you in love will always be enough. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 7 – John 20:22 – When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

Surely the disciples, and we ourselves, were overwhelmed by Jesus’ previous statement telling them that they are to go into the world exactly as he did. That is, to be sent from God to display love, to call out hypocrisy, to comfort, heal and lead, all bathed in the incredible atmosphere of God’s grace. Did Jesus see their confusion in their faces? Did he see their self-doubt or fear? Perhaps. In any case, he knows that for them to pick up his mantle and go into the world representing him, they will need some help. The help he offered was the power and presence of the Holy Spirit to lead, inspire, instruct and accompany them. The words in both Hebrew and Greek for ‘spirit’ can also be translated as wind or breath. In this account, different from Luke’s account in the book of Acts, Jesus simply breathes Spirit on them and invites them to receive the gift, and with it, the power and presence of God with them and within them. It is this powerful presence that will allow them to live into their calling in the here and now. Jesus knew that the here and now would not be easy. He knew that opposition had not disappeared, and that tales of resurrection would only heighten the danger his friends faced. He knew that they were living in a new consciousness and that the old empire with its bastions of power in both the synagogue and the state would not submit easily to a whole new world view with its power shift. Jesus knew that then and knows that now. In our day, Jesus knows that we too need a powerful dose of the Spirit to move out in hope and love in a time of growing discouragement and cruelty. He knows exactly what we need in order to embody him in a time when to do so is seen as oppositional and dangerous. When Jesus asks his friends to go out as he did to love a broken and fearful world, and to name broken and fear-based powers as the sham that they are, he does not promise that it will be easy, and no harm will come to us. Almost all of his disciples were eventually martyred. What he does promise is that we will always be accompanied and empowered by divine love itself. Take a moment today to open yourself to ‘receive the Holy Spirit.’ Just sit in the presence for a moment, without agenda or understanding. See if you can feel your soul begin to fill up with love, hope and direction.

Prayer: Dear God, sometimes it is hard for us to think of ourselves as Spirit filled and completed creatures. We know we have so much to learn, so many depths yet to plumb. Still, you have breathed perfect love over us and into us. Help us today to peel away all the things that confuse us about who we are and what our purpose is, so that we may live in your glorious peace. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 8 – John 20:23 – If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

If there is a more daunting verse in the Bible, I do not know what it is. Perhaps a little vocabulary, coupled with no small dose of humility, can help. The vocabulary used here is complex and a little strange. The word ‘you’ is the first phrase of this verse is plural and refers to the whole faith community acting as one. The word ‘forgive’ means to send away or to send forth. The point is that when forgiveness is offered by the community the offense does not linger to torment a person. ‘Retain’ is a rare word that means to hold onto something tightly. ‘Sins’ is the word that usually refers to theological failings and not to moral or behavioral failings. Remember that to forgive is never to make excuses for something or to say that something doesn’t matter. If it did not matter, there would be no need to forgive. Forgiveness is offered to remedy the wrong that has been done so that no further damage is done either to the victim of the wrong or to the sinner. Remember, too, that it is Spirit’s power and insight that makes this work holy. So here Jesus is saying to his followers, that when we collectively forgive people, we set them and ourselves free. We declare that the past is done and invite them to live a new life. This is just what God does with each of us. By the power of the Spirit, we cooperate with the Spirit to allow us to let go of the pain of wrong doing so that new life can flourish. If we cannot do that, then neither we as Christ’s community, nor those who have done harm, can cease to be ruled by what has happened. This is difficult and holy work. Take a moment today to think of ways that we as individuals and as a faith community need to forgive and be forgiven. What would it take for you to truly release into this teaching? What makes it difficult?

Prayer: Dear God, as a church, help us to be your instruments in releasing others from the burden of their behavior and the blinders in character that keep them cut off from the fullness of life and the joy of your full and loving presence. Help us with both kindness and clarity to send away that which is death dealing and refuse to cling to that which may sink us or others. Help us to see where we need forgiveness ourselves and give us the courage to confess, receive, and transform. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 9 – John 20:24-25a- But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So, the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.”

This little interchange raises a lot of questions, doesn’t it? Where was Thomas? Why was he not with the others? Had he gone back to work? Had he been sent to the market? Was he out scouting the situation to gauge the true level of the danger they faced? Was he home with his own family, doing something, anything, to try to keep them safe? We do not know where he was or what he had been doing. All we know is that when he checks back in with the other disciples he was met with an outlandish tale that must have made him question their sanity. He had missed something vital while he was doing other things. When I was a little girl I was sick a lot of the time, sometimes desperately ill and in hospital for weeks on end. Whenever I finally was well enough to go back to school, I was filled with insecurity. Even though my teachers had sent lessons home for me and a tutor came to my house, I was sure that all the others knew something that I had missed. That feeling sometimes persists to this day. What do others know that I have missed? What does that mean for how I am to function in the world and in my daily life? What do I need to catch up? Perhaps there was a bit of that at work in Thomas too. When he was faced with something totally outside his experience, he was flummoxed. That leads me to another question for our own lives and missions. How do we tell the story to those who have never experienced it? The phrase ‘told him’ in this verse is in a Greek tense that indicates a continuous action. They tell him over and over and over again. Did they struggle to find new language or examples to help him? Were they frustrated or insulted that he was skeptical? There is an important truth hidden in that verb tense in this scripture: Those of us who have experienced Jesus in our own personal ways have the responsibility, and honor, to try again and again to share our experience with those who have not. We do not do this to somehow ‘win them.’ We don’t hit them over the head one time and then give up. No, we demonstrate love and hope over and over and over with whatever actions or words we can muster to describe the mystery of God’s grace. How might you do that today? I think that it is easier together. Maybe the church can be of value there.

Prayer: Dear God, help us today to awaken to our experience of your love and to find those ways we can to share love with others. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 10 – John 20:25b-c – But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

Two years ago, when our young granddaughters, ages seven and five at the time, came to Alabama to visit us for the first time, I was desperate to find things in our small town to entertain them. We played dress up. We went swimming. We went to the Alabama Safari Park, but the thing that has stuck were the stories of the Yard. Our backyard became a magical kingdom with magic bees who lived in the barn and fairies that lived in gladiola condos. When I first introduced the Queen and King Bee to the girls, our older granddaughter said, “But I can’t see them. They aren’t real.” I responded, “There are a lot of real things that we can’t see.” I went on to talk about imagination and art and faith. Within a day or two she was setting out small gifts of flowers and leaves for the Bees each night before bed. Perhaps it was a bit like that for Thomas. There is something deeper in this verse than the ways we awaken imagination and faith. Thomas’ response is not merely skepticism in the face of something incomprehensible. Here he gives us a window into a deep truth. Trust in Jesus is personal, and it is rooted in some kind of personal encounter with him. For Thomas nothing else could be truly trustworthy. After all, he is asking for nothing more than what the others have already experienced. What does it take, in days of confusion and chaos, to believe in goodness that you cannot see? What do you need in order for hope to awaken in you despite all apparent evidence to the contrary? How is the experience of Jesus personal for you? What difference does that make in how you live your life?

Prayer: Dear God, awaken us to our own intimate experience of your presence so that we too may trust you with our whole lives. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 11 – John 20:26 – A week later the disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”

Sometimes it takes a little time for us to be ready for new experiences and possibilities. This is especially true when those experiences demand a real paradigm shift. It is touching that Jesus waits a week before coming back to the disciples, this time including Thomas. They all needed some time to process both the complete change of worldview that now needed to include the reality that life doesn’t end with this life, but also time to come to terms with the danger they face, and to come up with a plan to move forward against some pretty formidable adversaries. Jesus gives them a week to ponder, to pray, to strategize, to try to bring Thomas along. When he decided the time was ripe, Jesus once again walked through their ‘locked doors’ and greeted them with his deep desire for wholeness, repair, and harmony for them. Sometimes we, too, need some time to come to terms with change over which we are powerless. Sometimes we need a bit of space to think through the consequences of changes and how we are called to respond. Sometimes we need a while to relinquish ideas, certainties or even identities that we thought immovable and irrevocable. Once I went for coffee with a young woman who had visited our church. I could tell she was struggling but waited for her to tell me what it was all about. In some important ways, her ‘doors’ were locked, and she did not invite me in. About a week later I was in my office at the church and the door burst open and she rushed in and flopped down in a cozy chair with the dappled light of the stained-glass windows casting rainbows over her. “Hey. What’s up?” I said. “Eugenia, you’ve got to tell me the truth. Is this the real deal or not?” I don’t remember how I answered her. But I do remember her tears at her baptism a few months later. Here is what Jesus teaches us in the verse, no matter how long it takes, he will come to you at the right time with the longing for peace on his lips. It’s the real deal. Think for a moment today about your journey with Jesus. How has it unfolded? Has it yet begun? Do you need more time to come to faith? Do you have those you trust to help and neither coerce nor judge you for your journey? If not, reach out to us at Safe Harbor and we will try to help.

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for the gift of your presence at exactly the right moments. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 12 – John 20:27 – Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.”

Once again we see that Jesus is ready, willing and able to meet our every spiritual need. He comes to Thomas when Thomas is ready. He offers Thomas what Thomas has asked for: the invitation to enter Jesus’ wounds with his own body. Did Thomas understand the power and implications of that invitation? I think so and I will make that case tomorrow. Today though, I’d like for us to linger with Jesus’ invitation to enter into his wounds. In one way or another this same invitation is a part of the life of faith for each of us. It is not, by the way, about doubt. In the Greek text the word for doubt does not appear. Literally the text reads “Do not become faithless but faithful.” The words for faithless and faithful are forms of the word pistis that means to trust. When he looks at Thomas and invites Thomas to reach out and enter into Jesus’ own wounds he is asking him to risk trusting that it is through that journey that he will be transformed. The journey of trusting that entering into the way of self-sacrifice and indomitable love, which I believe Jesus’ wounds represent here, is  a daunting call that no one can answer for us. There are moments, metaphorically, when our only way forward is to reach into Jesus’ side, right to his beating heart of love and feel it for ourselves. We are not told whether or not Thomas actually reached in or whether the offer of Jesus was enough for him. I’m not sure it matters. What matters is the unflinching intimacy that Jesus offered Thomas and still offers us. What matters is that Jesus offers us whatever we need, exactly when we need it in order to help us trust. What do you need today to help your trust grow? Be gentle with yourself as you ponder this. Don’t judge yourself for your need. Rather, focus on Jesus’ willingness to offer you what you ask for in order for your faith to grow. He is not, of course, offering Thomas or us whatever we think we want in the moment. Rather he offers what we need and that usually includes entry into the wounds of Jesus and our own. When we reach out with our hand to touch Jesus’ hands and side, we inevitably find that we find our own wounds tucked in there as well. Wounds we must face in ourselves and in our culture. Seeing the truth and facing it is strong medicine for faith, especially in a time when lies have become normalized and cease to scandalize. So today, take a moment to think about Jesus offer to you. Are there wounds in your life or community that you need to explore in a clear-eyed way? How do you put your hand in? If this is hard, look to Jesus with arms outstretched and find your hope there.

Prayer: Dear God, help us today to experience the awe of knowing that you come to us when we are ready and offer us exactly what we need. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 13 – John 20:28 – Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God.”

Today is the 41^st anniversary of my ordination into the ministry. In those days, candidates prepared a faith statement and preached to their presbytery’s to give members an opportunity to decide if we were ready and fit for the next leg of our journey. I chose to preach that day on the passage we have been considering for the last few days. I began my statement of faith with Thomas’ words, “My Lord and my God.” Like Thomas, I too had faced hardship and confusion along the path that led me to that moment. For some of us, that it what it takes to get us to grow and grow up. When Thomas made his declaration of faith, often called the first creed of the Christian church, I think he was far clearer on the implications of intimacy with Jesus than I was as a young pastor to be. Otherwise, how could he have declared with such clarity the core of the gospel. All of the disciples in that room, in one way or another, would enter into Jesus’ wounds soon enough. They would each need to find Thomas’ declaration of trust for themselves in order to make it through, to face with courage what lay ahead and to transcend. We need that as well. Each of us has obstacles in our lives and world that we must face. Each of us has pain to overcome and the need for courage to do so. What is your statement of faith? What is the core of the gospel for you? Take a moment today to quiet your mind for a bit and ask yourself those questions. When presented with the wonder, intimacy and challenge of encountering Jesus, what do you say? You do not need to be a seasoned theologian. You do not even need to know the Bible inside out yet. Just bring you to Jesus and think about what you want to say. I believe that as Thomas spoke his creed, a whole new level of wonder and hope arose in him. I believe it will in you as well.

Prayer: Dear God, how we need the faith of Thomas! Help us to see you as you are and, by the power of your Spirit, continue your work wholeheartedly and without fear. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 14 – John 20:29 – Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

It is not completely clear in the original Greek if Jesus was asking Thomas a question, or whether he was make a statement, something like, “Ah, so you have seen and now believe.” What is clear, though, is that it doesn’t seem to be a rebuke as many suggest and English translations might imply. It is, rather, a preamble for the amazing statement of inclusion that comes next. Who Jesus is, what Jesus has done, how Jesus is present is available to all who trust him in any time or place. While the disciples who got to share earthly life with him certainly got a unique treasure, that unique intimacy is ours for the taking always. All it requires is to trust (again the word we translate as believe is pistis which means to trust or rely upon.) Sometimes we think that there is a formula that we must concoct in order to be close to Jesus, to feel him with us, or to find hope and courage in his presence. Maybe we were taught that there were words we must speak in order to be saved and therefore in Christ. Maybe we think that intimacy with Christ always includes special ecstatic experiences, or that it can be defined by our own emotions, or lack thereof, at any particular moment. Today’s verse, however, reminds us that it is much simpler than that. We come to trust Jesus by coming to trust Jesus, with or without signs, wonders and goose bumps. Trusting Jesus is a choice that is not dependent on how we feel. We choose to trust when we feel full of joy and wonder and when we feel nothing at all but doubt or fear. When we choose to trust anyway (anyway), gradually trust becomes our default. It becomes not just what we do, but who we are, who we are ever more deeply becoming. It is so beautiful that Jesus declares this arms-wide-open access to him. There are no litmus tests here. No hoops to jump. Just love without limit. In what ways do you come to trust Jesus? For me, worship with the community of faith and study of scripture are two of my pathways to hope and trust. What are yours?

Prayer: Dear God, today we celebrate your presence with us and within us in all of your amazing fullness. What a glorious thing it is to trust you! Help us to increase our faith and enjoy your presence like never before. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 15 – John – 20:30-31 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples that are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

Many scholars suggest that the original Gospel of John ended with these verses. It certainly sounds like a conclusion. Regardless, the message is clear: we only know a fraction of what Jesus said and did during his lifetime on earth and even less about his activity before and after his earthly life. BUT, we know enough, and we know what his purpose is and always has been. That purpose is to give us life. The word we translate as life (zoe) does not refer to biological life. Rather, zoe, is that life force that bubbles within us and is eternal. To have zoe in Jesus’ name is not simply to declare that, in him, we will live forever. It means to live forever for Jesus and like Jesus, the complete human package, just as God dreamed for us to live it. To have the gift of zoe means to be filled with the divine Spirit in such a way that joy and courage, love and justice, compassion and mercy, creativity and renewal  are inexhaustible and eternal. It all begins now. This is what Jesus offers, and it can sometimes take a lifetime to comprehend and live into the wondrousness of it. In what ways do you experience the fullness of life? Is there anything that sometimes gets in the way of you living fully? Take a moment today, in prayer, to consider with God what makes life full for you? Ask God how you might live more fully and take a moment to listen as you breathe deeply the love of God for you. If you don’t feel a sense of guidance or presence, don’t worry. Sometimes it is like that. It does not mean that God does not hear or that Spirit is not at work within you to take you just where you need to go. Rest in that hope and train you heart to listen bit by bit.

Prayer: Dear God, today we celebrate your goodness and generosity to us in Christ Jesus. We remember all of the moments in which you come to us offering love and assurance. Thank you! Help us to embrace zoe life and live in contentment wherever we are on our glorious path with you. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 16 – John 21:1-3a – After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias, and he showed himself in this way. Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.”

It is generally accepted that this final chapter of John was written by a later editor who was inspired to capture some of the resurrection appearance stories that were circulating widely in the early years of the faith. These stories were very important for the early community and gave them a clear sense of Jesus’ purpose for them going forward. They were also collected to put to rest a controversy that had arisen about who was the ‘greatest’ disciple: Peter, John or even Mary Magdalene. The disciples never quite got over their competitive spirit and neither have we. In this story, the author is signaling that the disciples have left Jerusalem and gone home to Galilee. They are trying to get back to their normal lives, even though nothing  feels normal anymore. Still, they need a sense of normalcy as they try to figure out what the future will bring and what their role may be in it. Perhaps they think, as we often do as well, that the way to the future lies in either the past or in habit that makes us feel safe or grounded. They feel neither safe nor grounded. Peter and the others hope that getting back to normal will make them feel better. They hope that returning to the business of fishing will result in renewed sense of direction. Sometimes when things feel out of control, too much change and too much chaos, we too want to go back to what we have understood and that feels normal. It happens all the time. After we update our phones and can’t find anything anymore, we want to go back to our old flip phone with numbers to tap and an ancient version of Angry Birds. But the future does not lie there. While the past can teach us, and the customary can comfort us, Jesus meets us in the now, with all of our confusion and chaos. Are there times in which you feel like you are in the dark trying to do what used to sustain you but no longer works? Do not despair! The dawn is just a breath away.

Prayer: Dear God, we, too, know the pull to get back to normal after, or in the midst of, confusing or traumatic times. We know how events over which we have no control can darken our understanding. We know that trying to do things the ways we always have done them when everything is different, rarely gets us the results we want and need. Help us to recognize the times of night and to await with patience the new reality that is sure to dawn. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 17 – John 21:3b – They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

In John’s gospel events that happen in the dark are especially significant. Darkness represents a lack of understanding, confusion or unenlightened consciousness. Night time is when fishers often fished in those days, so on a literal level it is no surprise. However, from the spiritual worldview of John and his community, fishing in the dark described the inner state of the disciples. Have you had times when you felt like you were in the dark and nothing seemed to work like it used to, or how you thought it would? Just this morning while I was having my first cup of coffee and settling in to the day, my husband was at the dining table trying to renew our car license on line. He is pretty computer savvy and can usually whip through tasks like that. His I-Pad is an extension of his fingers. But today nothing worked. He tried over and over again, following the directions to the tap. No dice. What should have worked, just didn’t. When I came into my office to write he was filling out papers by hand. Sometimes life is like that. Things don’t work like they used to, and we get exhausted trying to make what used to work, work again. Maybe you have been there too. The disciples certainly have been.  The mystery is that deepest night is the time just before dawn breaks. It is the time that is pregnant with possibilities heretofore unimagined. I’m sure the disciples could not feel that in that long ago spring night. They felt like the whole world was upended and the ground, or known waters, wouldn’t stay beneath their feet. They didn’t know how to be the new them or what it was going to mean to change their world view and move forward. Even so, when they were exhausted from trying with no results, when their powerlessness seemed total, when they could not see the shore, Jesus was already on the beach waiting for them with the nurture and direction they needed. That is your truth today as well. So, take hope if you feel a bit lost in the dark. Dawn is on the way!

Prayer: Dear God, sometimes we feel as if we are floundering in the dark. Help us today to trust that you are the light we need and our eyes will see you at just the right time. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 18 – John 21:4 – Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach, but the disciples did not know it was Jesus.

There is a long stream in scripture of God, or God’s representatives, showing up incognito just when most needed and least expected. Think of the story of the three visitors (God in fullness) showing up to visit Abraham and Sarah by the oaks of Mamre to remind them, after they had long lost hope, that God’s promise for them remained in effect. Or think of the passage in Hebrews 13 in which we are instructed not to neglect hospitality to strangers lest we miss the angels sent to us. Or, obviously, Jesus himself as a helpless babe born into scandal or appearing as an unknown gardener outside the empty tomb. In John’s gospel, the failure to recognize Jesus after the resurrection reinforces that life will be different after death. It also tells us that recognition is made real and alive in relationship and not by our five senses alone. Have you ever had a time when, looking back, or maybe suddenly out of nowhere, you experienced God’s presence with you? Did it come the way you expected? Did ‘dawn break’ suddenly or was it a gradual lightening of your load or your worries? In what ways do you most often find the dawning of new insights into faith or your own spiritual journey with all of its twists and frustrations? Perhaps for you ‘dawn breaks’ and you experience the love of Jesus with you in simple ways, a walk in the woods, the flash of light on waves, hummingbirds arriving on schedule, the warmth of a child sleeping on your chest. However those moments come, they are holy, and they renew our hope if it lags. Take a moment today to ask God to allow the dawn of Christ’s love and provision to wash over you and give thanks.

Prayer: Dear God, we relish your close companionship at all times, especially when we are tired out from doing our own thing and not getting the results we had hoped for. Help us today to look for signs of the dawning of your realm. Help us to recognize times of ‘night’ for what they are and wait with patience for the new thing you are doing. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 19 – John 21:5-6 – Jesus said to them, “Children, you have no fish have you?” They answered him, “No.” He said to them, “Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So, they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish.

Jesus uses a word in these verses that is found nowhere else in John’s gospel, paida. We usually translate that as ‘children’ but it is a heartier word than that. It might be something like ‘lads’ or ‘besties’ or the like. It carries a sense of close companionship, deep affection and acceptance. In Jesus’ lovely question he both conveys his bondedness with the disciples and his insight into their situation. They have no fish. On a figurative level two things are going on here. First, their lack of a catch indicates that the old ways will not provide for them any longer. Everything has changed and they will need to change with it. Second, they cannot, metaphorically, feed themselves. They need direction. Dawn needs to break. In the spiritual life, it is often true that when dawn breaks, when new insights dawn, other things shatter and must be released. You can’t as Jesus says earlier, put new wine in old wineskins. Or to use the language of today’s scripture, you can’t get the catch Jesus has for you, doing things your own way. There is always obedience at the heart of bounty. When the tired fishers, accept Jesus’ guidance, even if it seems to make no sense, they receive a catch far greater than they could have imagined. Today, spend a moment or two reflecting on what habits or regular choices are not bringing the results you want. Is there something to release? In prayer, ask God to show you where to ‘cast your net’ so that you can bring in enough for yourself and to share. Even if you still feel stuck in a boat in which nothing you try seems to work, know that that can change in a moment when you listen to Jesus’ specific call to you and respond.

Prayer: Dear God, help us today to be honest with you, like Peter was. Help us to tell you the things in our lives that are no longer working as we hoped, so that we can hear your direction for us and for our communities. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 20 – John 21:7a – That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!”

We don’t know the identity of ‘that disciple whom Jesus loved.’ Some suggest that it was John the writer of the gospel and that not naming himself was a convention of humility. Others suggest it might have been John of the twelve disciples, who likely was not the author of this gospel but could have been. Some even suggest that it might have been Mary Magdalene. As much as I like that idea and believe that her role in the early movement has been misunderstood, I don’t think that she was ‘the beloved disciple.’ No matter how much things had changed and how fast, she would not have been in the boat fishing all night with the men. That strains credulity to the breaking point. But does it really matter? I have often thought that the ambiguity of ‘the beloved disciple’ makes it possible for us to see ourselves in that role more easily. Whatever the case, there is great intimacy between Jesus and the beloved disciple. It is an intimacy that allows him to recognize Jesus faster than the others and from a distance. As an older woman, clearly in the last chapter of my life on earth, I have learned that it is the long obedience, faltering of course, but the long obedience and commitment to sharing time with Jesus in prayer, scripture and worship, that allows us to recognize him when we see him in the many ways he comes and guides. What are the ways that you can commit to time with Jesus these days? Take a moment to stop. See if you can clear your mind for a moment until there is a bit of free and open space. Invite Jesus into that space between your thoughts and share a bit of time together. Hope dawns when we make room for it.

Prayer: Dear God, help us today to welcome you in whatever way you choose to engage with us. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 21 – John 21:7b – When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he had taken it off, and jumped into the sea.

It is interesting to note that, while Peter is given primacy in the last chapter of John’s gospel, it is the beloved disciple who first recognizes that it is Jesus. Only on the beloved’s testimony does Peter grasp what is really happening. I suspect that that is the way with many of us, too. Someone we trust who is a bit farther along the road, helps us recognize Jesus in our lives for ourselves. Almost surely it is not quite that dramatic when it happens to us. It could be in a Bible study, a book or devotion, a word of hope in a time of hardship, or simply around the family table when we see those closest to us bow for grace. The Christian faith, while certainly personal, is not and cannot be solely personal. Faith grows when we are together. As I have largely been home bound the last couple years, I have learned the truth of this. I have also learned that they are many ways to be together even if we may be limited by distance or mobility from those who are our spiritual companions. We help each other grow. And when those moments of awakening occur, like in today’s verse, the response can be dramatic. I do love Peter’s response! He puts on his clothes and jumps into the sea! Fishermen often fished wearing just a loin cloth, or sometimes naked. It seems that that would have been an easier ensemble in which to swim to shore than a bulky tunic. But no! Peter gets dressed and dives in! Was it just modesty? I don’t think so. There are two things to ponder about this hilarious and poignant detail of Peter’s response. First a person’s cloak was their most valued possession. It was the only thing that could not be taken from a person to pay a debt. It was their status and dignity as human beings. So, on a symbolic level, when Peter recognizes Jesus, he wraps himself with everything he has of value, and in so doing declares that there is nothing that will be held back in order to come to Jesus. The second interesting note is the sea itself. The ancestors believed that the sea was a heavenly symbol of chaos, danger and the unknown. In Genesis, it is the sea of chaos that God sweeps aside in the creation story in order to create a safe space of human life. By Jesus’ time, the sea represented the complex mixture of uncontrolled chaos and bountiful provision. Sometimes we too have to wrap ourselves in what we value most and leap into the chaos to get to Jesus and his bountiful provision. Have you ever had an experience in which you suddenly ‘woke up’ to Jesus’ presence with you? What is your ‘valued cloak’? How might you bring that to Jesus today? Is there an area of chaos in your life that you need to swim through to get to a deeper experience of Jesus? How might you wrap yourself in hope and leap into it today?

Prayer: Dear God, help us not to fear the future or the change it brings. Give us the love and passion we need to ‘jump into the sea’ to get closer to you. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 22 – John 21:8 – But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, only about a hundred yards off.

We saw yesterday in Peter’s leap into the sea, that awakening to Jesus’ presence and trying to get closer to him can sometimes lead to pretty dramatic action. But what of the other disciples on the boat? What about the beloved disciple who was the first to awaken to Jesus’ presence? Did the fact that they didn’t get dressed and leap into the sea mean that they were not as faithful? Not as convinced. I don’t think so. They had a catch to protect and sometimes that requires a steady, practical, step-by-step approach. There is value in both! In the early days of the Christian movement, our ancestors understood the catch of fish to represent those who were brought to faith by the testimony of the early witnesses. Recently, Robbie and I went with friends on a sunset cruise in the bay on the north side of our little island. There were many children, and the captain dragged a small shrimping net behind. When we paused he brought the net up to an observation table and all were invited to see the different fish, jelly fish, crustaceans and eels that were in the water. Then they carefully threw them back. In light of today’s scripture, isn’t that a beautiful look at the wild and wonderful diversity of the catch that the disciples were trying to bring in? When we fish with the net of Jesus’ miraculous grace we don’t sort out the ‘fish’ we like and reject the rest. We don’t take the flounder and throw back the ones that sting. While the word is horribly misused and has become little more than a dog whistle for racism in our day, diversity is at the heart of the gospel. When we do the work of growing in our own faith, we can be sure that God will arrange circumstances for us to share it. And those circumstances will likely be utterly surprising. Like the disciples, we may fish all night until we are exhausted with not observable results, but if we don’t give up and follow the directions, opening the net of our arms wider than we dreamed possible, we will also haul in a catch we never expected that we could. Do you tend to react to insight about Jesus dramatically as Peter did, or are you more like the beloved disciple who chose the steady team approach? Ponder today how you might become more open to an unexpected miraculous catch.

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for giving us so many models for responding faithfully to your presence and call. Whether we are leapers or luggers, we give ourselves to you and to the call of fruitfulness that you have places on our lives. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 23 – John 21:9 – When they had gone ashore, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish on it, and bread.

How precious that after their long night of labor, their inability to tame their confusion by doing what they had always done before, their failure to provide for themselves in the ways to which they were most accustomed, their awakening obedience that turns everything around, and their various responses, they get to shore, and Jesus is making them breakfast on the beach! There is a sacramental quality to this scene. Jesus feeds. Jesus, even after everything that has happened, still tends his flock. He is still companion. He is still their source. And he is still ours. Take a moment today in your mind’s eye to place yourself in this scene. Perhaps you are exhausted from laboring to make a living or to make sense of a world that seems upside down. Perhaps you don’t think your arms are strong enough to drag the net of your labor to shore. Perhaps you aren’t sure about the whole Jesus thing to begin with. Perhaps you have felt like you were working in the dark for so long that you neither expect light to dawn, nor are you certain you could handle its blinding honesty. Maybe you are so excited about each new opportunity to get closer to Jesus that you want to jump in the sea. Perhaps you just want somebody to give you a reasonable plan that you can follow. Perhaps you are comfortable being one of the unnamed fishers in the background, mending the nets and lending an arm. Perhaps you are so confident in Jesus’ love for you that you see his hand at work before others. Perhaps you are hungry. Wherever you find yourself in this story, Jesus is right there to meet you in whatever shape you stumble ashore. Perhaps you are soaking wet and panting. Perhaps you are skeptical. Perhaps you have just come along for the ride and aren’t sure about anything. The hope of Easter is, at least in part, that whatever condition in which we find ourselves, Jesus meets us, is prepared for us, and provides us with what we need to grow strong.

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for your constant provision, your hearty companionship and for meeting us just where we are. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 24 – John 21:10-11 – Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” So, Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred fifty-three of them, and though there were so many, the net was not torn.

Be careful in this verse not to get tangled up in the metaphor of the fish. Jesus is not asking them to bring their catch of fish in for their breakfast. He has already cooked their breakfast. He is asking them to bring the fish, representing the people evangelized, to the breakfast, not to be the breakfast. When we are operating at Jesus command, the church does not eat its own! Although sometimes when we get off track and lose the plot line of grace, we can certainly seem to take some bloody chunks out of each other. For that we need forgiveness and redirection. The point in today’s verse is that the wild diversity of the catch is to be brought to Jesus for feeding, rest and renewal. A great deal of scholarship (some of it quite creative) has been done over the centuries about the number of the fish in this passage. Nobody really knows what that particular number represented to the author or the early community. Most understand it to just be a very large number—so much the more amazing as the net is not torn—that represents the universal nature of the gospel. The early movement understood the net to represent the church itself, called to hold all people, not just the original jews who followed Jesus. Regardless of an exact meaning that may now be lost to us, this detail is a hope-filled promise of the powerful productivity of the church itself. It may not feel like our nets are full these days. We may see many slipping from unamended holes never to be seen again. Still, this image of the bountifully full net, is offered to us an  eternal image. Even if we feel that we labor to share the gospel in a chaotic and unwelcoming environment, Jesus is not confused by these times or even much hampered by our poor efforts. The net of God’s grace cannot be torn by our poor fishing habits, nor can it be torn by the unwieldy wonders of our diversity. The church can hold all. Today take a moment to consider your ‘love net.’ How can you throw love and grace into the chaos today? Is there anyone in particular that you can offer care in Jesus’ name, even if the name cannot be spoken? Where is your hope? How can that hope be made more perfect as you consider your bond with others who are not like you and may seem to be fishing in other seas? Are there those you’d secretly like to throw out of the net? Take a moment to talk this over with God. Ask God to help you know ‘which side of the boat’ into which you are called to throw your love today.

Prayer: Dear God, we know that your disciples fished by hand in teams with wide nets that did not discriminate. Help us to be both fishers and nets so that all with whom we come into contact may feel the tug of your love bringing them from chaos to the shore of your provision. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 25 – John 21:12a – Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.”

Here again we see the eucharistic overtones of this story. Jesus takes, gives and they are invited to eat and in so doing to grow in insight and strength. Today I’d like to ask you to enter into a moment of quiet meditation with Jesus’ invitation. If you can, find a place where you can sit quietly and not be interrupted for a few moments. Take some good deep cleansing breaths, about five of them. Breathe in to the count of five and out to the count of seven. Close your eyes for a moment and just sit there. Don’t worry if thoughts rush in. Notice them but don’t stop to work with them. Imagine that they are little boats floating down stream and you can catch up with them later. See if you can begin to feel a bit of calmness down inside your soul, even for a split second. Into that free and open space within, hear Jesus speak to you the same words he spoke to his disciples so long ago, ‘Come and have breakfast.’ Let him speak those words to you at least three times before you respond. When you have heard the invitation in a deeper way, what do you say to him? Take a moment to respond. You may feel gratitude, or fear, or confusion or not much of anything. Perhaps you are curious about the ‘food’ he has for you. Ask him to describe it to you. Is there a recipe he has to share? What is the fire that has been tended to make the breakfast tasty and healthy for you? How might you attend that fire within you? Ask him if there is something he wants to tell you or if he has fresh dreams for you. When you have finished your ‘breakfast,’ close your time of meditation with the following prayer.

Prayer: Dear God, we are thankful for the moments that you draw us into an awareness of your presence with us and for the ways that you help us to recognize you. We thank you for your amazing provision today and every day. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 26 – John 21:12b-14 – Now none of the disciples dared to ask him, “Who are you?” because they knew it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was raised from the dead.

It is interesting, isn’t it, that the disciples, even after the wondrous resurrection appearances that they have witnessed, are still feeling shy and don’t want to ask Jesus a direct question. Perhaps, like we often do, they are doubting their own perceptions. Is this really happening? Am I going crazy? Is this all just wishful thinking? Is this just the denial that comes from grief? Is it just me? I can imagine each of them running those questions over and over in their heads rather than just addressing their questions to Jesus, or simply resting in the knowledge they feel inside. Maybe they are being respectful. Maybe they are afraid to face the answers that may come to their deepest questions. Maybe they are immobilized in self-doubt. We can only ponder that because we too know how to get stuck like that. Sometimes we just don’t trust our own knowing. The word translated as ‘knew’ here is one of several words in Greek that describe different kinds of knowing. This word suggests a fullness of knowledge that comes from awakening fully to a person or experience. It is the word used for perceiving the presence of another. This is different from the more commonly used Greek word that means to know someone from intimate personal relationship. The word here refers to knowing from observation. Sometimes we, too, don’t trust what our senses are clearly telling us. Notice how Jesus responds to their hesitancy and shy self-doubt. He feeds them. He comes close and gives them a portion of the breakfast he has made. He is fully prepared to offer what they need even before they can come to trust their own inner knowing. We too can overcome our shyness and self-doubt when Jesus feeds us just what we need at the right moment. Perhaps you are hungry for assurance today. Perhaps you are stuck in disbelief or distrust. Perhaps you are ready to receive whatever Jesus has cooked up for you. Whatever your condition, remember that Jesus has prepared exactly what you need for today. He will come to you and offer it. You only need to accept and enjoy.

Prayer: Dear God, we are so grateful for all of the moments in which you draw us into your presence and help us know that it is you. Help us to respond with thanks for your provision today as we open our eyes and hearts to you. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 27 – John 21:15a – When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

For the next couple of days, we will linger with the poignant verse 15 of the 21^st chapter of John’s gospel. It may seem strange, or even boring to stop here but there are nuances to this passage that can only really be savored if we dig a little more deeply. In this story, after Jesus has met the needs of his disciples, given them a concrete example of the difference in outcome between when they follow their habit and when they obey him, and fed them with a sacred breakfast on the beach, he pulls Peter aside for a private conversation as they walk together on the shore. Having fed them physically and spiritually, Jesus now tries to discern how much they understand of who he is and what following him will mean to them. To begin this conversation, Jesus wants Peter to declare himself. The word we translate as love, agape is one of the most powerful and descriptive in the scriptures. As Jesus uses it, it refers to a deeper, or maybe higher, kind of love that is always marked by ethical choices for the good of the beloved. It is self-giving and unconditional. To love in this way requires that one choose the good of the other apart from any emotional intensity. In other words, agape is not dependent on how we feel at any given moment. It is a commitment that we make to seek the ultimate good of another no matter the cost. In my view Jesus is trying to get Peter to examine the depth and durability of his love ethic as far as Jesus is concerned. It is no wonder. Just a few days before, at the height of Jesus’ trial, Peter denied him, lied to protect himself, and abandoned Jesus to his fate. Of course, Jesus wants to know if the subsequent events have awakened him to new commitment before he bestows leadership on him. The phrase ‘more than these’ could have multiple meanings in Greek. It could mean ‘do you love me more than these other disciples love me.’ Or ‘Do you love me more than you love your friends.’ Or even, ‘Do you love me more than your love fishing.’ Maybe all of those meanings and more are implied. Today, take a moment to think about Jesus asking the same question of you that he asked of Peter. Do you agape me? Don’t leap to you answer too swiftly. Rather use the question as an opportunity for honest reflection. Do you put Jesus’ call first when you feel like it and when you don’t? Have you learned a deeper love through your failures and betrayals? Will you do the best for Jesus at all times and in all circumstances? Can you be trusted to both follow and lead even if it takes you out of your comfort zone or into a situation of danger? These are not casual questions with easy answers. Nor are they a multiple-choice test where you can choose one and not another. Don’t sink into judgment or guilt as you reflect, but try to be honest with yourself. Your hope lies in truthfulness. If you need to, ask God to help you deepen your love.

Prayer: Dear God, we know that your love for us has no bounds. Help us today to love in your name as you have loved us. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 28 – John 21:15b – He (Simon Peter) said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”

Peter is not quite ‘there’ yet. How do we know that? Partly, it is because we know what it is to be human and how hard it is to love others unconditionally both when we feel loving and when we do not. More importantly though, the Greek text gives us a clue. Yesterday we thought about the power of agape, choosing the good for another. That is the question Jesus puts before Peter. Can you love me in that way? But Peter responds with a different word. He uses a form of the word philios. That word refers to the kind of warm familial love that is marked by feelings of closeness, bondedness and intimacy. Some biblical scholars suggest that the two words, agape and philios were largely interchangeable. I am far from persuaded of that. It does not seem unreasonable to me that Jesus, given his mercurial history with Peter, would be trying to discern, (and help Peter discern) whether his affection has depth, whether it has the substance necessary to transcend feeling and follow under any circumstances. If we pause and reflect, we too know how many faces of love we experience and how different the choices we make are in each state. We know how passion can enthrall us and sometimes even blind us. We know how familial and friendship love, when we are our best selves, can ground us and provide a kind of meaning that can be found in few other ways. And we know that there are times when our love is beyond our words to describe. It has a power all its own that almost makes us superhuman. It leads us into the streets to protect the beloved. It makes us ready to gather unknown strength that could lift a car off of our child. It makes death both bitter and sweet because absence hurts but we know that is does not diminish the love that we experience that is, indeed, eternal. Today take a moment to consider the different kinds of love you have felt. See if you can describe each with all of its strengths and weaknesses. Don’t evaluate. Just contemplate, knowing that you are surrounded in this very moment by a love that never ends and cannot be diminished even by our inability to perceive it.

Prayer: Dear God, you who are love itself, help us today to find ways to express our love to you. Give us courage to allow feelings of love to develop into an unshakable ethic of love. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 29 – John 21:15c – Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.”

The way that we know that we love Jesus is by what we choose to do, concretely and specifically, as a result of that love. In other words, the litmus test of our love for Jesus is how we provide sustenance to the ones about which he has special concern. Probably here there is a double meaning. Jesus is especially concerned for how young converts will be nurtured in the faith after he ascends to the Father. He also uses this term to refer to all those who are weak, in danger and cannot provide for themselves. We are all lambs that Jesus loves. From time to time, we may be helpless to meet our own needs. From time to time, we may need extra nourishment and feeding to grow strong and move fully into our life’s mission. Sometimes we may feel lost and in need of guidance home, like in the parable of the lost sheep. (Mt. 18:12-14; Lk. 15:3-7) This is true for every human being, no matter how hard we work to appear powerful and self-made. Before Jesus can turn the leadership of his movement over to Peter, he has to know that Peter will feed, materially, spiritually and emotionally, those who need it. Now it is our turn, both within our congregations and beyond them. Feeding those that need special care can take many forms. What it never does, however, is take abusive or coercive forms. Feeding as Jesus invites is never ever a quid pro quo. It is free, respectful and loving, just as Jesus’ love always is to us. It cannot be otherwise. Not if it is agape. Not if it is to be a conduit of Jesus’ love. Think today about those that you might ‘feed.’ Is there someone who may be physically hungry? Is there someone who is hungry for emotional support? Is there someone who is hungry for hope? Is there someone who just needs you to listen without judgment? Is there someone who needs to feast on the word of God that so nourishes you? Is there someone very different from you, someone you don’t like very much, who could use the feast of your prayers? How might you answer that call today?

Prayer: Dear God, help us today to heed your call to feed your lambs. Open our eyes to see the need. Keep us both humble and courageous, doing everything in love for your glory. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 30 – John 21:16 – A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.”

Jesus senses that Peter is not getting the point and so he tries again. They seem to be talking on two different levels. Jesus is talking about active ethical unconditional love (agape) and Peter is talking about warm feelings of love and friendship (philios). Why does Jesus repeat the question? Why doesn’t he just tell Peter outright what he is trying to get at? Perhaps he knows that telling someone about something is not the same as them experiencing something. Perhaps he is hoping for Peter’s aha moment. Perhaps he is broadening the question a bit by his use of the word sheep instead of lambs. In the previous verse Jesus told Peter that love requires that he provide sustenance to the young, the weak, the still forming, the tender and the helpless. In using the words tend and sheep he makes an even larger case. The word we translate as ‘tend’ is the Greek word for ‘to shepherd.’ This is a larger concept than we saw yesterday. To shepherd is not simply to nourish. It is also to protect, to guard, to lead, to spot and avoid danger, to place one’s own life between the wild wolf and the tender flock. Shephering requires watchfulness, wakefulness and the capacity to read situations and the signs and seasons. This care is extended not just to the young and tender, but to all. No wonder Peter was struggling here! It is much easier and more natural to feel warmth and even compassion for the plight of others. It is another thing altogether to take action to protect, defend and guard the larger flock of those whom God loves (which of course means everyone.) How might God be calling you to guard and protect those who are in danger today? Perhaps it is immigrants rounded up and sent to prison without due process. Perhaps it is elderly neighbors who are spending their precious years in isolation, watching the capacities and relationships falter a bit more every day. Perhaps it is the church itself, under assault by those who either denigrate it, misuse its power, or distort its message. Perhaps there is a hungry flock inside your own heart, aspects of who you are that are unexplored and in danger of atrophy. Think today about how you might feed that which is given into your care.

Prayer: Dear God, help us to see hunger on every level and put ourselves out to help, tend and protect. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.

May 31 – John 21:17 – He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything: you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

This verse is poignant and heartbreaking in turn. Jesus realizes that Peter is not on the same page with him. Peter is frustrated and has gotten his feelings hurt. Peter cannot understand why Jesus keeps asking him the same question. He is not seeing the difference between agape love and philios love. The word ‘hurt’ here means grieved or emotionally wounded. Clearly Peter’s ego is still strong. He is wounded and defensive because he thinks Jesus doesn’t trust him, when, in reality, Jesus trusts him enormously. So Jesus drops the agape language (do you unconditionally love me in such a way that you always seek my good whether you feel like it or not) and meets Peter where he is with philios language (Do you feel loving toward me and act on those feelings). Jesus recognizes Peter’s limitations and adjusts to them. For Peter, and for us, it takes time,, discipline, no few failures and a healthy dose of the Spirit to break through our ego defenses and get where Jesus intends for us to go. Remember, too, that in the Hebrew mindset, numbers are very important. For him to say to Peter ‘a third time’ indicates completion and wholeness. We see this play out is Jesus resurrection on the ‘third’ day. Jesus has done what he could and will not bring it up again. The rest is up to Peter. And to us. Are there ways that your frustration, and sometimes hurt feelings, get in the way of your spiritual growth? It happens to all of us. Still, the tender hope in this passage is that Jesus, both understands our limitations and accommodates them. I remember once I was terribly upset about something I saw as a real failure in my ministry. I don’t even remember what it was. I was weeping with a friend about it. I pray I never forget what she said to me. “Genie, settle down. God knew this about you before God called you and called you anyway.” What a gift. That was true for Peter, and it is true for each one of us. Perfection is not required, just remaining in the conversation. Today, if you are able, take a quick walk with Jesus. Listen to what he wants from you. How does time with him strengthen your understanding and prepare you for your day?

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for meeting us where we are with all our limitations and ego attachments. Thank you for breaking down the tasks you give us into pieces we can understand and that are on our level. Your graciousness is breathtaking! Help us to grow in stature so that we may hear the depth of your call upon us for this moment in our lives. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen.